Girrrl, STOP!

Maybe it’s just me, or maybe others feel the same, but at times the fear of success often leaves me paralyzed. I’m not too sure why, but it has been something I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember. Maybe it’s fear that I’d be held to a higher standard, maybe it’s fear that I’ll hit a wall and lose it all, or fear that I’m not good enough. I’m not really sure what it is, but I DO know that it has stopped me doing the things I love. I’m a creative being, and throughout the years I’ve lost touch w my creative side and struggle to get it back.

Now, seeing as my relationship w God has blossomed, I understand that it is my obligation to use the gifts he’s blessed me with. Even as I’m stating this, there’s a lump in my throat, and an unshakeable feeling of doubt. Am I good enough? What if no one likes me? I’m praying that I’m able to push past these thoughts and find guidance through prayer. So I guess this wouldn’t be a “new year, new me” thing, but moreso a “new year, better me” thought process.

♡

Everyday, I do my best to show my daughter that being a single mom is NOT a death sentence. I still have the option of being whatever I choose, and I have my own cheerleader tagging along.

Listen, I can pretend certain things do not hurt, piss me off, make me cry, or affect/effect (still haven’t gotten this down) me in any way, BUT I’d be a damn liar! This tough exterior that Capricorns are born with is useful for hiding shit/schit/shiggidy or whatever the hell you want to call it. Truth is, at times I’ve been upset or dare I say it? Bitter about a few things I’ve seen or experienced. And. I’m. Ok. With. That.

It happens! I cannot deny the fact that someone out there has been able to break through this capricorn’s steel exterior and penetrate my heart with stupid love poems, gm texts, peen pics, dates, and good ol fashioned laying of the pipe (lol). It’s happened, I’ve loved and I’ve lusted, and when it was over I sometimes became bitter. And. That’s. Ok. Again, shit/schit/shiggidy happens. I’m ok w having been bitter at times, bc I’ve moved on and have gotten passed it. I haven’t stayed bitter, I haven’t wished harm on anyone, or concocted some black magic voodoo spell, or even sneered at someone’s happiness. DO YOU! If being bitter about a situation helps you to sleep better, then go for it. It doesn’t do a damn thing for me but cloud my mind, and alter my judgement.

Annnnnywhoo, just getting some thoughts out there, my 6 yo can read very well and she has read the title of this post (minus the bword), so yeah I gotta go.